Communicating Needs and Boundaries
Lately, I’ve been finding myself speaking a lot about boundaries and needs, with a particular focus on the art of communicating about them, and a metaphor began to unfold for me that I think helps convey the importance of establishing and communicating about this with the people in our lives. Let me know if this resonates for you. xoxo -Eva
We Are The Gardener And The Gatekeeper
Think about your inner world as a beautiful garden. Establishing boundaries and communicating them is like inviting people into your world – your garden – to witness the beauty there.
But in order to safely do this, you can’t just open the doors and expect everyone who comes in to appreciate the garden in the ways that you want them to.
If you allow just anyone to walk in and go anywhere they want, whenever they want, you’ll find that all your resources are quickly consumed by trying to manage the visitors and mending everything that has been tromped on, injured, ruffled, and disrupted as a result of all the traffic from people who don’t know how to behave inside your garden.
All of your energy and vitality will be spent on your constant vigilance – making sure new seedlings aren’t being trampled, delicate areas aren’t being disturbed, and that visitors aren’t meddling with elements that YOU know are precious but they may not.
Now, if you were to create some gates, and some walking paths, and guidelines -about when you allow visitors, and what they can do when they’re inside– suddenly, you might be able to let others in safely, because they’ll know where they can stand and walk without overstepping or treading upon areas that are off-limits, -or doing something that might stifle growth.
You are the only person who can determine where the gates to your garden are placed, what hours they’re open, and the price of admission. Not only that, you also design the pathways inside.
Some visitors may want to visit simply to be in and bask in its beauty. Others, come in and become inspired with ideas that help spark growth in their own beautiful gardens. But there may also be some who lack the capacity to understand and appreciate the beauty that lives and grows here. The gates and paths and guidelines help each of these types of visitors know what’s expected of them inside your garden.
There might be some super special areas that only certain authorized personnel are allowed access to. You might allow some trusted visitors to roam freely on the self-guided tour because you know they will honor the pathways and signs. Others might have permission to visit only a very specific set of areas in the garden —maybe only during certain hours — and perhaps only on a closely-monitored guided tour, where the rules and guidelines are continually announced, reiterated, and reinforced. There might be a few who aren’t allowed in at all.
Because here’s the thing -this garden of yours… is FUCKING MAGNIFICENT. Its beauty is profound, unique —a splendor that only ONE person in the entire world can cultivate:(YOU). It’s a gift to witness this, so it’s perfectly ok to say “here’s how you get to see it.”
These gates, paths, and clearly posted guidelines (boundaries) make it so that you have enough resources to actually care for your garden. —Nurturing, creating, and growing all the beauty in there.
Otherwise, you’re either going to be a worn-out security guard with no time or energy to tend to your garden and revel in its astonishing beauty, or you’re going to be the only person to ever know the profound beauty that grows within.
Get some gates. Create some paths. Post some signs. Because you’re magnificent, you’re worth it, and your garden is too glorious to keep all to yourself or to be overtaken with weeds.
